Heart to Heart

I have been blessed, and I have been cursed. Life is a double edged sword.

In my life I have had the amazing experience of a strong, loyal and fiercely connected family. It has been a blessing unlike anything I could ever put into words.

But it’s also a curse to love so many people.

When you are capable of deep empathy, the more people you love, the more joy and pain you are destined to feel. I am not angry over my aunts death anymore, but I feel like I walk around with a whole in my heart and soul.

My family is my heart. My family is my world. When they leave this life, they take a piece of my heart with them because we are connected heart to heart.

I have experienced exponential loss in my 33 years, but they all hurt in a different way. I lost my cheerleader in Aunt Joanne. I lost my night owl who would comfort me when I couldn’t sleep in a 3 hour conversation about life and nothing specific.

I wouldn’t have been any better off if she died from any other cause besides the Coronavirus, but I would have had the chance to hug her and let myself be hugged by her one more time. The simple comforts of a hug can change a lot about how you experience the loss of someone you love.

Life doesn’t feel the same at all without her, but I know where she is and how much the Lord must enjoy her. I know we enjoyed her so much.

Rest In Peace. You gave me so many reasons to believe in me. 🙏 I love you

How Did I Get Lost?

This meditation today scared me. I usually always remember what happens when I meditate but today, I lost track of it. I feel like I have left my body and saw something I wasn’t meant to see and now I am not allowed to recall it.

It’s puzzling me. I went super deep, I remember the spiraling energy all around me, through me outside of me, but I cannot remember what happened. It was like the forces of the earth happened on me then I drifted into the unknown and uncharted. I don’t like not knowing. I am used to being able to remember.

I kept thinking:

Where did I go? What did I see? How could this be happening?

My brain is totally lost! I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to let go of the feeling… it’s frustrating.